being the mom you were meant to be

I find myself reading parenting advice columns.
Comparing my parenting to someone else's.
Getting down on myself for doing something "they" said I shouldn't.
I really should stop. 
I'm Quade's momma.
The Lord gave ME him to take care of.
Nurture and love.
Not someone on the parenting blog.
It's all advice.
To be taken as a grain of sand and thought of as a helping hand.
Not the bible of parenting.
Yes, I understand that some things have been tried and proven to work.
BUT every baby is different.
It may not work for you, and the longer you sit thinking...
"Why is my baby different? Why isn't this working for my baby?"
You miss out on just that.
That your baby is different.
Maybe by trying something new and telling someone about it,
you will help someone else who has the same thing going on.
I know everyone has heard this before.
I just feel like daily I have to remind myself that I am being the mom I was meant to be.
Even if that means rocking my babe to sleep.
Not letting him cry it out.
Sometimes even catering to him.
I tend to be a slave to what others tell me,
not really following my instinct because it's not exactly what I was told would work.


I am not a parenting expert.
I still love getting advice from other momma's.
All I am saying is that for me, I need to not have it written in stone. 
I will be a much better momma by doing that.

Happy Thursday, Friends!
I like to pretend it's the weekend.
Grey's is on and it's one step closer to Friday.
I told the hubs about this and he looked at me and said,
"So how does that work for ya?"
I replied... "It keeps me sane for a little longer. So I'd say it works!"


He finally realized he can see himself. He tends to put his face on the mirror and blow bubbles on it.
Then looks at me with a great big smile.
Who needs other entertainment when you have this guy around?!




little moments

normally when the hubs gets home from work it is 6:30.
I have dinner ready and waiting to be set on the table.
don't be fooled.
I do this because our sweet Q has a "witching hour" and is pretty cranky at this time of night.
so we have our routine.
eat. I pick up dinner dishes. Daddy gets baby ready for night.
that usually means I miss out on bath time.

last night was different.
dinner was not as I intended so I had to do a quick run to Subway.
I was flustered.
I get cranky when things don't go according to plan. (Wasn't I just talking about this?)
So I was missing out.
Too consumed on how we spent money on a dinner that we shouldn't have.
How there was too much mayo.
How Q kept whining because he was tired and was sick of cheerios and wanted to be nursed and put to bed.
But alas. It was bath night.
I told the hubs to eat his dinner and I would give the babe his bath.

as my sweet almost 8 month babe was splashing in the water, I soon began to relax.
watching him.
REALLY watching him.
wasn't he just 2 days old and I was holding his head in his baby tub so he wouldn't slip?
how he barely moved around, just laid there taking it all in?
now, he is rolling over.
splashing.
sticking his tongue in the water, and by accident his face.
playing with toys and propping himself up and giggling.
and moments later I was concerned about MAYO?!?!

it's going so fast.
lightning speed sometimes.
I need to be more aware of my priorities.
not wrapped up in petty little things.
my babe is growing and turning into such an amazing little boy.
I thank the good Lord for opening up my eyes now before it is too late.

too many of us put our priorities ahead of someone else's who really need us.
too wrapped up in our own problems.
our own selfishness.
looking out for ourselves.
then 5 years later we look back and think, "I should have done this... I should have said that."
well don't.
be here NOW.
you never know what tomorrow brings.
and I'm really glad dinner didn't work out so I could spend bath time with this handsome fellow...







Spring

we have been longing for spring.
warmer weather so we can go out and enjoy a walk. 
for the past couple of days it has been in the 30's, so we had to take advantage and go on a walk.
I guess that is the crazy Minnesotan in us. 
The cold has been putting me in a funk.
The end of winter seems to be doing that to a lot of people.

In my devotional today it rang such sweet truth...
"Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy- even precarious. That is how it should be.
Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret.
When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping things that are Mine.
This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you."
-Jesus Calling by: Sarah Young

It's really hard not to plan. 
And hope for different things.
But by doing that, I am not focusing on the here and now.
I tend to lose sight on the things that are happening right in front of me.
The thought of missing something Quade does because I was too busy daydreaming breaks my heart. 

While on one of our walks Quade kept leaning forward looking for Gibson.
He would laugh every time he caught sight of him.
That's how I need to be. 
Like a child laughing at their dog.
Soaking up that moment.
Not worried about all the little things.



weekend re-cap

Weekends do my soul good.
Reinforcements from Daddy are so needed.
And the babe finally gets some one on one with him.
YAY!! 


I ordered this essential v-neck from Gap and it is AMAZING! I bought another one in white.
I may go back and get more in different colors. SO COMFY!


Neck kisses and giggles from Daddy!


Someone has been either teething or going through a growth spurt.
LOTS of cuddles.


If I had lots of money... I would snatch this entire outfit up for Mr.Q


Someone has a new toy!


Saturday morning coffee and cinnamon rolls. Yes please!


Daddy rocking baby to sleep.


watching this guy roll around and army crawl is so entertaining.


quick feed while outlet shopping.


Sunday morning cuddle time. Favorite in our home.


Sunday breakfast in the car before church. Sometimes it just has to be done!

Hope everyones weekend was peaceful and enjoyable!

being in control

I always knew that I wanted to have kids. 
stay at home.
bake cookies.
go on play dates.

what I didn't realize was the fear that it would bring.
I have issues with change.
I have issues with controlling things.
the two don't mix well.

when we found out that we were pregnant, I was terrified.
not your normal ecstatic mom-to-be.
just fear.
I could feel the knot in my stomach start to grow with each midwife appointment.
each time someone asked when I was due.
each time I even thought about becoming a mom.
I couldn't even let myself enjoy being pregnant because I was too consumed with how much was changing around me.
how much I wasn't controlling.

a few weeks before I gave birth I finally felt a little excitement.
hope that I could do this mom thing, and maybe be good it.
I was in full on nesting mode and seeing all the little clothes and having gone to parenting classes...
I felt ready.
then my due date arrived.
and passed.
and passed.
and passed.
a week over due and my panic started in again.
this is not how it was suppose to go.
you have a due date for a reason.
right?!

finally a week and a day over due, and it was time.
we welcomed our sweet boy into this world.
everything was going great.
and then his blood sugars were low.
they needed to come up before we could go home.
every 2 hours he needed to be pricked in his tiny heel to see what his count was.
it was the worst feeling ever to sit there and watch as they inflicted pain onto my tiny newborn.
I know that some parents have it way worse.
they endure more pain than a tiny pricked heel.
but I couldn't see that, not then.

when we could finally come home, I felt the knot again.
the hitch in my throat.
the panic setting in.
the terror overwhelming me.
but I prayed.
hard.
I need help. and guidance.
I needed to be a mom to this little one.
I couldn't do that if I was afraid to get off the couch.

I know new mom's go through this.
but here is the thing.
I'm not in control.
I never have been.
Once I realized this, my life got so much more simple.
So many more blessings started happening.
Prayers being answered.

just let go.
be brave.







being brave

a lot of the blogs I have been reading have been talking about "being brave in 2013." I don't know what it is about this year, but something in me just wants change. Maybe it's the fact that since becoming a momma I want to be the best I can be.
best role model.
best example.
best ME.


I can't be any of those things while being silent. with a heavy heart. not being active in my faith.

I think a lot of it has to do with our family finding a new church. It really makes the world of difference when you find a place you can feel welcomed at. Encouraged. HAPPY!

I'm excited for 2013. Being brave and changing. I think it is going to be a remarkable year.

cuddles from my love on valentines.

Southwestern Stuffed Bell Peppers

I am always on the hunt for new recipes. 
Something that is quick, not a lot of ingredients and healthy are always a must!
So when I came across this recipe, I knew I had to try it!!
You can find the full recipe over at oh, sweet joy!
Plus... her pictures are better than mine anyways! 
Enjoy!!


woman in their 80's

since having a child of my own, I have noticed a few things about woman in their 80's:
1. they will want to know their name.
if it is a different name, prepare to repeat it a number of times.
2. they will want to know how old.
3. they don't care what you are doing. they will stop you in your tracks, interrupt your dinner, stop you in the aisle and get in your face to see your baby.
then they will coo and ahh and make silly faces and talk in silly tones to get a smile.
I just love watching their faces.
The pure joy that they get.
And seriously... who wouldn't want to make this face smile...




honesty

I wanted to start a blog for an outlet.
I tend to keep my thoughts to myself and be a follower...
all it has really gotten me is a heavy heart and the feeling I am a let down to my Savior.
I don't want to be like that anymore. 
I am always afraid I will hurt someone's feelings or rock the boat too much.
But seriously?! A lot of people don't think twice when they say something.
They stand up for what they believe in.
They are passionate. 
They want the world to know.
Well I do too. 
But my thoughts.
My beliefs.
My passion.
Is not of this world.
So it upsets people. 
Makes them angry.
Makes them uncomfortable.
But God has a way of doing that to people.
People say, "Times have changed! Things are different now!"
But God hasn't. 
He is constant.
He is the same today as He was when He created time.
So here it is. 
This blog will probably make people uncomfortable.
I may even lose friends over it. 
Maybe no one will even read it. 
But that really is ok.
Because I don't want to be quiet anymore.
And this is the beginning. 
Not everything I post will be so heavy.
I am just giving you a heads up...
it's about to get real!

And to lighten the mood a bit...
here is my handsome little boy. 

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